My husband, Daryl Moore, was adopted and lost his adoptive mother in 2004. He never had a relationship with his biological mother or siblings, although it was something that he greatly desired. After the death of his adoptive mother, Daryl felt incredibly alone, unsupported, and rejected. My husband carried these feelings with him throughout the rest of his life.
Daryl’s feelings of rejection created a dark part of him that I felt I could never touch. He kept it locked away from me. I knew that he was hurt, but I didn’t know the magnitude of his hurt. His depression manifested itself in many different ways. At times he was distant, sullen, and would participate in self-destructive behavior. I was heartbroken because my love wasn’t enough to soothe his mind or his heart.
My husband died to suicide on July 22, 2012. When my husband died leaving me alone with our three children, I did not know where to turn. I was strong during the day, but fell apart at night. So many questions ran through my head. I blamed myself for his decision; I wondered how I missed the signs. In hindsight, I see that there were so many signals pointing to the detrimental state of his mental health.